


The only thing that matters

by SoupTime



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Comfort, Fluff, Hair Braiding, M/M, Married Couple, Neurodiversity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:34:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28985673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoupTime/pseuds/SoupTime
Summary: This..to be able to stand here, ask Illumi what he needed, wear the silver ring on his finger was the only thing he achieved in his life..the only thing that seemed to matter.~My addition to a headcanon that is very dear to my heart
Relationships: Hisoka & Illumi Zoldyck, Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Comments: 6
Kudos: 132





	The only thing that matters

**Author's Note:**

> This ain't much but it's honest work.  
> I've seen some fics and headcanons about Illumi being neurodivergent and it's so dear to me so I really wanted to add to that being autistic myself.   
> This was a bit hard to write but it's short and sweet so please comment your thoughts!

It wasn't unfamiliar to Hisoka to sleep without his husband at night, it was a rare occurrence to fall asleep side by side as one of them always came back late, or stayed away for days.

But that was how it always had been, still after days of not hearing from Illumi he missed him more and more to just be there, silently drink his coffee by his side or just stay close to him while they both tended to their own matters.

And he most definitely missed him in bed, the way his skin felt, how he would never grow tired of kissing the assassin, the murderous look he'd give him whenever he ran his mouth too much. 

Tonight he drifted off to sleep alone, wondering when the assassin would return finally from his mission that seemed to drag out longer and longer. It was unusual, yet he wasn't worried in the slightest, his worry wasn't needed when it came to Illumi. 

What woke him up was rumbling, loud clattering and as he rubbed his eyes it was still pitch dark, a moment needed to adjust and find the switch of the lamp on the nightstand. 

"Illumi?" He called out but when no answer came he followed the noises to the kitchen to find his husband hunched over the cabinet, furiously rummaging through with shaking hands, his hair falling into his face, seemingly irritating him further, causing his face to flinch and as he stood up to look in the upper cabinets he was placing his weight from one leg to the other rapidly. 

It only took a few seconds for Hisoka to recognize what was going on, careful to approach him.

"Dear- stop for a moment" he asked and Illumi stopped, though didn't quite look at him.

It wasn't the warm reunion Hisoka was hoping for but he wouldn't complain.

Not when his husband was like this.

He reached up, gathering his long hair in a bun, bright pink nen forming from his fingertip and wrapping around to keep it in place. "Here" he said gently. 

"Now, can you tell me what you are looking for?" He asked then, quickly moving a bit further away, unsure yet how exactly to help. It's been a while since he had seen his husband like this. 

He didn't know what caused Illumi to drift into this state, perhaps the mission was too long, something didn't go according to plan, there could have been anything to overwhelm his husband who was standing before him now, visibly stimming and the aura around him so tense it would be hard for anyone to be around.

But not to Hisoka.. to him it was an honor that he was allowed to see Illumi in his most fragile state, that he was allowed to be the one to help remove anything that could further overwhelm him.

He never asked why or what happened, knowing that explaining something so complicated is tiring and the assassin was already tired mentally. 

This..to be able to stand here, ask Illumi what he needed, wear the silver ring on his finger was the only thing he achieved in his life..the only thing that seemed to matter.

Yes, they were to kill each other in the end but that was how it had to be. It didn't mean Hisoka wasn't committed to the assassin with his whole being, it didn't mean that right now, he cherished him more than ever.

Illumi was looking around again, his eyes shifting from one cabinet to the other. 

"My mug" he finally said and the magician was quick to step to the sink. He knew which mug he was talking about, it was a simple blue one, but it was his mug, one he always favoured but didn't always need to drink out of, only when he became like this, overwhelmed, needing the things he was used to to calm him down.

"It's here, I'll wash it for you. Did you want coffee or tea?" Hisoka asked as he made a quick work of washing the blue mug, drying it properly. 

"Tea" the answer finally came and the silence was only broken by the kettle once the water was boiling. 

Hisoka only ever asked about this when they were alone and calm. Illumi found it hard to explain what was happening in his head as it was natural to him..but not to anyone else, not to Hisoka or the Zoldyck family at least.

What made Illumi the perfect assassin was what made him weak at the same time.

Attempting to beat it out of him has only made it worse by the time he was an adult but as Illuumi had told him he had learned to deal with it his own way, he had learned to identify when it became too hard to function, to cut things out that overwhelmed him, to pretend to be perfect around his family.

Hisoka couldn't say he understood entirely, but he did his own research, and by now he learned how to support Illumi when he seemed to be lost in his own head, on those days when he became almost completely nonverbal and depended on small things like his favourite mug.

He made a cup of tea for his own, placing both on the counter and turning to the assassin again. 

"Do you want to take a shower while it cools a little?" He asked, knowing that a shower would essentially make Illumi feel better but he might be resistant about it.

But not today, he simply nodded and Hisoka made sure to follow him, giving him a warm towel. "It came out of the dryer" he said, having a hard time to resist the urge to be closer to his husband, feeling restless as always to touch him but knowing better than to be all over him right now, about to leave the bathroom when his wrist was grabbed. 

"Stay" the raven asked and he stopped. Who was he to deny a request like that?

"Of course, honey" he said, smiling at the expression Illumi made at the nickname, he seemed surprised every single time and usually shut him down with a glare but now he just turned around, grabbing the hem of his shirt to pull it over his head and he did the same, undressing quickly and stepping in the shower first to adjust the water, making sure it was warm enough before his husband joined.

It was quiet and quick, they both washed up while Hisoka stayed on the side to let the water run down Illumi's back instead to warm him up.

He reached for the bottle of shampoo, finally breaking the silence.

"Will you let me wash your hair? I'll be gentle" 

Illumi seemed to consider it for a few moments, his expression changing ever so slightly and he ended up nodding, turning around and tilting his head back.

It was a slow procedure, slow and gentle and full of care as he carded his fingers through the strands, massaging the shampoo into his scalp carefully. The minutes passed without a word exchanged between them but by the time Hisoka was rinsing the conditioner out of his hair Illumi's shoulders were definitely more relaxed and the magician let himself kiss the nape of his neck before pulling away and out of the shower to quickly wrap himself in a towel, goosebumps dancing across his skin. 

They brushed their teeth side by side, dressed up and Hisoka took the two mugs to the living room, turning on the TV as that was the routine for them whenever they had the luxury of both of them being home together in the evening. 

He took a seat, and Illumi sat on the floor in front of him, making him smile.

He didn't say anything, and there was no need for words either. Hisoka took the hair dryer his husband bought with himself from the bathroom and dried his hair, leaving his tea abandoned on the coffee table, forgotten as he was distracted by how mesmerizing it was even after all this time to sit like this, brushing his husbands hair, feeling him tilt his head back and silently let him turn the raven mess into a loose french braid. 

To Hisoka there was nothing more valuable than the trust of the assassin. 

The finishing touch was a kiss on his forehead before Illumi joined him on the couch, the distress gone from his eyes, simply looking exhausted. He probably didn't sleep for days..

Hisoka welcomed him in his arms, pressing another kiss on his forehead and stroking his thumb over his hips. "I missed you, the house is so empty without your needles" he murmured and Illumi just hummed, closing his eyes. 

He wanted to talk more, ask more, touch more but right now this was everything. Holding him close as he fell asleep, exhausted and drenched from god knows what. 

"Goodnight Illu-" he murmured, picking him up as gently as possible and even though the assassin most definitely stirred up to that he let him carry him to the bedroom and tuck him to bed. Hisoka climbed under the covers as well and the last thing he felt before he fell back asleep himself was a cold hand seeking out his own and holding onto it.


End file.
